sitting, wondering, waiting...

as i sit in the dark i think back to so many other nights doing the same thing,
sitting, wondering, waiting...
what for i am not entirely sure, yet still i sit.
i think back to other nights spent doing the same.
nights so similar yet so completely different from now it is sometimes hard to believe they happened. nights spent feeling so completely lost and alone, with no one who really cared about me. longing for someone to show that they cared, just to be able to see that someone loved me, anyone, yet never allowing myself to feel loved by God. looking back i was trying so hard to fit in but it just made me want to hate myself, yet i couldn’t ever completely do that. God wouldn’t let me, he was tugging at my heart all along trying to get through to me that i was and am loved, more then i could ever possibly realize.

it seems very strange to me to think that i am half-way done with college. it seems like such a short time ago i was moving in for the first time. so many things have changed, i’ve changed… a lot. it is sometimes hard to look back and see all of the ways i have changed, they all seem so gradual to me. it is going to be exciting to see what God does this year, it is also going to be challenging and a bit scary. i’m definitely in a situation that i have never been in before and it is hard sometimes to not let myself get intimidated.
there’s the possibility of a lot of opportunities here, i hope i’m able to rise up and meet the challenge. it is going to require completely relying on God because i definitely can’t do it myself.

on a musical note…:)oh i’m a dork… i am really enjoying citizen cope right now, the clarence greenwood recordings, good stuff, he also has cool hair.