...when there's nothing to say...
I just returned to Ames after attending the funeral a good friend's father. My friend was really close was really close to her Dad, so I know his death was really hard for her.
The awkwardness of really wanting to be there for her, yet not having a clue what to do or say consumed me. I kept thinking of "Moonlight Mile" and worrying that my friend's family was feeling the way Jo felt. I worried that I was making things harder for them and not being understanding. This is the first time a friend of mine has lost someone close to them, and I really don't have a clue how to respond. I want to have the perfect words and the perfect actions to show her that I really care and empathize with her (as much as is possible). But there's the rub. I don't really know how she's feeling. I can imagine, but I'll never truly know what she's feeling. So I don't have a clue what to say and I'm worried that all I can think of to say are the cliche phrases she has been hearing from everyone - all the people who knew her dad and feel obligated to say something even though they don't even know her.
Grief must run it's course. There's no way of speeding it up - it's just one of those things that just takes time.
God Bless you, Rebecca. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
posted by Christy @ 10:17 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
The Bible tells us to "grieve with those who grieve." How to do that is the universal question.
When in these situations, here are several things I have done. Keep in mind there is nothing cut and dried about grieving with people - no formula, no tried and true method. Pray and ask God for help.
Sometimes I don't really know what to do and I do what you are doing - pray for them.
Another thing I have done: I asked a friend who lost her husband if I could pray for her. I held her hand and prayed a short prayer telling God I saw the pain she and her family were in and asked Him to help them in their grief. She come back several months later and said it was one of the most comforting and loving things anyone did for her during her initial grief.
I have also just held them and cried with people. Make sure to have some tissues on hand. Many times this leads to talking about the good times they have had with their loved one. Sometimes they say nothing but it still is a physical reminder they are loved and you are willing to grieve with them.
There is something about physical touch in grief that most people find comforting.
Another thing I have tried to do is remember the "anniversary" of the deaths of loved ones of close friends - especially the first one because that one typically is very hard. Even holidays that first year are very difficult because there are a lot of "first withouts".
I have some friends who have lost babies years ago and will still occasionally talk about it with them. Letting them know that I still remember something that has been very difficult for them.
-wendy sue
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