back from the abyss...or no longer forgotten

so this is really old but i kinda forgot about it and christy just reminded me tonight so here was what was going on 3 months ago or so. :)
it's 16 after midnight and i should be doing art history. there are five more days of classes til thanksgiving break and i so greatly long for them to be over that i could probably cry. i long for a break from classes and the constant business that has been my life this semester. i wasn't able to go to encounter this year which was pretty discouraging for me and i have definitely been feeling the effects of not being able to get more then a couple hours away from everything to be alone with God. i long to be able to just go off and spend an entire day out in the woods or in nature somewhere with God, sigh, that would be beautiful.
one of the big things God has been teaching me this semester is to be content with my circumstances. this semester hasn't looked much at all like i would have liked or thought it might. i have a really busy semester with school and just my classes take up most of the day. i miss having with a similar minded roommate and i miss having girl rockers on the floor with me.
these are the lyrics to the song different by acceptance
Tell myself, on the ride home.
Getting tired, hating all I've known.
Holding on, like it's all I have.
Count me out, when it's clear that I, find it hard to say.
And you, find it hard to care.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.

Got this way, upfront but never true.
God I'm wrong, it's just the way I am.
Crashing down, any chance you hear.
Caving in, any chance that you, could see inside of me.
And I don't know what to say, It's fine.
This isn't Hollywood.
So fine, getting in your way.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.

I'm taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.
Taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.

Something that's different
Something that's different
this song always leaves me with a sense of longing. i want to look different then the world to the girls on my floor and the people in my classes. and i really don't know if i do that enough or even at all. i sometimes feel like i'm not around enough for anyone to see my life. i want people to be able to clearly see God in my life, i want Him to change me so i reflect Him more. i want to be someone who's different, i don't want to live a comfortable american christian life.