woot woot for pop tarts

so i am feeling really confused at the moment. i just found out yesterday that my friend i was going to live with next year is not going to be able to live in linden. it had seemed earlier that God was working things out to have some girl rockers in linden again next year. now there is just me and it is long past the time to be able to get out of my contract without having to pay a lot of money which is something i don't have. i was really excited about the chance to live with her and now i am just wondering what on earth God is doing. i mean i know that he knows and that there is a purpose for this but i have no idea what it is. i really didn't want to have another random roommate my last year of school. due to past experiences i always worry when meeting someone new that they are going to hate me or be nice to me because they just feel sorry for me. no matter how much i've been told otherwise i still struggle with it at times and it gets frustrating because it really shouldn't matter what other people think of me i should be concerned with what God thinks. too often i want to let my circumstances define how i feel and what kind of attitude i have. there is only a week and a half left until the end of finals and i was completely ready to be done with school three weeks ago. i am worried that my random roommate experience is going to go from fantastic to worse. i know that the bible tells us not to worry about anything but i am having a hard time to not do so right now. i am also feeling stressed about finishing my paintings by thursday and i have way too much stuff in my room. BUT one thing that i am SUPER DUPER excited about...i got a job!! YEAH!!!!!!!!! Praise God i get to stay in ames this summer again! and i gets to live with mighty mouse!! aka katie junge. i am super pumped i am going to work at the mu cafe and i get to work with christy for part of the time i work. i've have also gotten 4 buy 1 get 1 free pepsi/mt. dew caps in the past week or so which is kinda crazy pop machines keep giving them to me...so yeah!

My Messiah...

So this Sunday, April 9th, I get to join with all of the choirs at Iowa State and sing excerpts from Handel's Messiah - an amazing opportunity, which obviously takes a lot of work. So for the last two weeks instead of going to class and hearing about evolution, tolerance, and relative truth - as I know many people do - I got to go to class and praise God for his Son. There Handel's music is so rich with truth! As I sing the music, I can sense the passion and the emotion that Handel portrayed.

I think my favorite piece is "Since By Man Came Death." The song begins with a slow sorrowful tone as the choir sings about the death brought about by Adam's sin and then breaks into a quick rhythm as the choir expresses the joy Christ brings through the resurrection of the dead. The song continues to jump back and forth between these to emotions as it jumps between the two subjects. To me it describes perfectly the regret we face upon realizing our sin and then our joy upon realizing the forgiveness of our sins.

well that was strange

so i had a really weird dream this morning. my roommate went home so rebecca and katie slept in my room. i hung at with eryn this morning before she had to work and then came back and slept some more. i normally don't remember my dreams but all the ones i ever remember having are quite odd. so here it is, my weird dream.

setting: this took place across the street from linden on the grass in between the sidewalk and the little road that goes past larch.
i had a little owl for a friend and she had a little floppy hat and one of those one eye circle glasses lens things, the ones that have the chain attached and they swing up and down and all around if you play with it, yep one of those. for some odd reason i had magical powers and wanted to show my owl something so i made a dragon. it was meant to be a nice dragon but he turned mean and evil. he was big and green and had a tail that had a pitchfork type point. he started to chase my owl and she lost her eye lens in a puddle(there were lots of puddles) and flew away for her life. the big mean dragon wanted to eat her you see. the dragon flew after her and they both disappeared into the fog(it was quite thick). i had picked up my owls eye lens and then my eagle stepped out of the fog and i flew around on him to try to find my owl but i had no such luck. i was back on the ground looking up into the trees and the sky wandering this way and that and somehow the eye lens turned into a magnet of sorts and when i switched directions it would always try to move in my had and dug into it quite harshly sometimes trying to point north. all of a sudden i started to hear all of these planes and then they were everywhere up in the sky. it looked like ames was at war. then as i was searching the tree branches some more i heard people counting down for new years, i think there were 4th of july fireworks too. a christmas tree bulb fell out of a pine tree and clinked and clanked the entire way down, basically hitting each branch til it hit the ground and broke. i turned to go and rescue my owl and THEN...katie woke me up.

i like alfred...hitchcock

i really like the movie dumbo. i watched it earlier with a couple friends and i forgot how much i enjoyed it. i mean the storks, cute baby animals, an adorable elephant with ears the size of his body, tears, violence, freaky drunken dream elephants, i mean what's not to love...besides those elephants he dreamed when he was drunk, those things always weirded me out. bleh... but yeah. i really like that movie. i love the outdoors. i love being outside especially in the country or anywhere that there is vast open spaces. i just love the feeling of being so small compared to what is around me that i can just sit are stare and take in the undeniable beauty of God's creation. being out in the middle of a field with rolling hills all around with trees and a stream. it is like getting a giant dad hug from God through his creation. it just kinda swoops you up and traps you in this fantastic hug. i love hugs but i would have to say that dad hugs are my favorite. i love getting to see my dad and get a hug from him. i wrap my arms around his neck and he picks me up and then i like to hang on him. it makes me feel safe and loved. i am most definitely a night owl and i love to be outside at night which is something i don't get to do often. even just sitting on my couch looking out my window into the night gives me a great sense of longing to be out in it and be a part of it. it is strange to think that the school year is almost over. it definitely didn't turn out or look anything like i thought it might or had hoped for. it has been a hard year, probably my hardest one so far, but it has also been really good. although there are things that i would have liked to turn out differently there are a lot of things that i never would have imagined happening that i wouldn't trade for anything. i have this strong feeling about so many things that i can sense sown in my core but i have no idea how to describe it. i can't seem to come up with words that can clearly paint the picture that is imprinted on my heart and in my mind so there it will stay for now. i sometimes have trouble believing that i am being used by God because it isn't always in ways i can see and it is sometimes hard to believe that he is doing things in the lives of people that i so greatly long to see following him again it has in the past made me cry my eyes out to the point where i can't even speak. but God is really doing amazing things. earlier this semester i had one of the best and most encouraging conversations with a friend that i love dearly that i had had since freshmen year. i am excited to have more thunderstorms, i love listening to the rain and thunder. it is most relaxing to listen to when falling asleep, and watching lightning...hmmmmmmm i love it.

This is what the LORD says, he who made the earth, the LORD
who formed it and established it - the LORD is his name.
"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and
unsearchable things you do not know."

Jeremiah 33:2-3