i hope december comes quickly

my dad makes me laugh, a lot. so my pops called me tonight to talk about deer hunting plans and such, and he told me that there are lots of rabbits to hunt at home. he also said that he had killed two opossums. one of them ran into his leg, so he killed it with a stick. my dad was guessing that he wasn't a very smart opossum or he was blind. i suggested both.

sweet verses from the amplified

ISAIAH 30:18 "And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]!

Psalm 143:7-12 "Answer me speedily, O Lord, for my spirit fails; hide not Your face from me, lest I become like those who go down into the pit (the grave). Cause me to hear Your loving-kindness in the morning, for on You do I lean and in You do I trust. Cause me to know the way wherein I should walk, for I lift up my inner self to You. Deliver me, O Lord, from my enemies; I flee to You to hide me. Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God; let Your good Spirit lead me into a level country and into the land of uprightness. Save my life, O Lord, for Your name's sake; in Your righteousness, bring my life out of trouble and free me from distress. And in your mercy and loving-kindness, cut off my enemies and destroy all those who afflict my inner self, for I am Your servant."

James 1:12 "Blessed (happy, to be envied) is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved, he will recieve [the victor's] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him."

Hebrews 2:18 "For because He Himself [in His humanity] has suffered in being tempted (tested and tried), He is able [immediately] to run to the cry of (assist, relieve) those who are being tempted and tested and tried [and who therefore are being exposed to suffering]."

this may or may not make sense

what is art? that is a question i have been asking myself for the past few weeks. i don't know what it is exactly but i am just sick and tired of having my art and by art i am meaning paintings, be of things. i am tired of painting objects and people and i really just want to paint, just to paint...but it seems i can't. i feel like i have so many ideas and thoughts/emotions stuck in my head that can't seem to find their way to my canvas...err plywood board. the image i see in my head can't seem to be grasped, it is like telling someone who has been blind their entire life that the sky is blue. they can't understand because they don't have any experience with what the color blue is. i feel like i have this huge inner conflict going on with life and my art and how they relate to each other and are able to interact and function in one frame of mind. so much of what is being pushed it seems in the life of an artist and just society in general is to be openminded, letting people live how they want to live and not openly disagreeing with that. i feel like i am always being told to dig deeper and to be more sensual, that i am not adequately saying what i am wanting to say. to not fall into submitting to society's norms because i am a woman. to break through the barriers into the "man's world." to be a free thinker and not shave my legs and basically that comes down to being someone other than who God made me to be. maybe i just feel like i am being pulled in two different directions, because most of all i do desire to be genuinely living for God. and i also want to do art, i want to be able to express and share my beliefs through my art but i really struggle with how to do that without beating people over the head with it because it is so blatently obvious. i just feel really frustrated and confused and it feels like my head is in a cloud throughout most of the day. and i really have no idea what i am talking about so feel free to forget everything you just read.

God is good!!

so tonight was a rather eventful night for me. i went to the doctor on monday because i had been having problems breathing, i felt like i was always carrying around a heavy bag and it took a lot of energy to breathe. before that i had a sinus infection so i had really been feeling healthy and normal for about a month. tonight i was going to go to bible study and i just started to have serious problems breathing and then my arms started to tingle and i lost most of the feeling in them and my legs started to get tingly. the only people that had arrived for the bible study were me, christy, and teege so they prayed for me and then i decided that it was probably a good idea to go see a doctor. so christy took me to the er. when i first got there i was freaking out because i could barely breathe and my limbs felt like the were asleep. i got checked and they took me back to a room and the nurse told me to try to focus on breathing slower because i was hyperventilating. a little while after that i started to relax and could breathe better. christy read some psalms and then i saw the doctor. by that time i was breathing better and feeling kinda silly for being in the er. they did an echocardiogram and took chest x-rays which all turned out fine so their explanation was that i had anxiety and that was what triggered this. i don't really agree with this because i am not an anxious person by nature and i don't know what i would have been anxious about at the time. i just started getting anxious when i couldn't breathe. after everything was done and i got to leave we ran in to a bunch of friends who had come to see me and had prayed for me. i really don't know what happened all i know is that i am breathing better now then i have been in the past few weeks and God has blessed me with an AMAZING family. and now i am eating ice cream. :)