this may or may not make sense

what is art? that is a question i have been asking myself for the past few weeks. i don't know what it is exactly but i am just sick and tired of having my art and by art i am meaning paintings, be of things. i am tired of painting objects and people and i really just want to paint, just to paint...but it seems i can't. i feel like i have so many ideas and thoughts/emotions stuck in my head that can't seem to find their way to my canvas...err plywood board. the image i see in my head can't seem to be grasped, it is like telling someone who has been blind their entire life that the sky is blue. they can't understand because they don't have any experience with what the color blue is. i feel like i have this huge inner conflict going on with life and my art and how they relate to each other and are able to interact and function in one frame of mind. so much of what is being pushed it seems in the life of an artist and just society in general is to be openminded, letting people live how they want to live and not openly disagreeing with that. i feel like i am always being told to dig deeper and to be more sensual, that i am not adequately saying what i am wanting to say. to not fall into submitting to society's norms because i am a woman. to break through the barriers into the "man's world." to be a free thinker and not shave my legs and basically that comes down to being someone other than who God made me to be. maybe i just feel like i am being pulled in two different directions, because most of all i do desire to be genuinely living for God. and i also want to do art, i want to be able to express and share my beliefs through my art but i really struggle with how to do that without beating people over the head with it because it is so blatently obvious. i just feel really frustrated and confused and it feels like my head is in a cloud throughout most of the day. and i really have no idea what i am talking about so feel free to forget everything you just read.